Growing up Fat

Cupcakes, Donuts, Cheeseburgers were things I loved but my body hated. For as long as I can recall I have been “the FAT guy”. During that time I faced many challenges between my self-esteem and my health. As a kid being fat made it hard to fit in. Everyone just wanted to make jokes about me and call me names. My only alternative was to be “BAD”that way no one would “FUCK” with me. Eventually, that led to lots of bad choices, ones that were made only to fit in because I never felt accepted. “You see I never understood why I couldn’t really fit in with the cool kids, or even why when I did they had to crack jokes. Being fat as a kid was the worst time of my life because at that I was building self-hate instead of confidence.”

Teenage Years “The mental stage”

As a teen, the hate for myself grew stronger. I dealt with personal issues based on relationships and materials. Clothes were huge and it was hard to wear fitting clothes because of my shape. The thought of losing weight never really went through my head, “maybe because I knew it was going to be hard and hating myself was much easier”. No one made it easy around me, even my so-called friends cracked inside jokes and gave me names like “Fat Boy” and “Fat Ass”. That shit was hard to deal with especially if there were women around. “which most of the time that’s when it happened.” I had to realize they were doing that because they had “personal issues” as well. That was simply their way of battling their issues like being bad was mine. Now I wasn’t a bad looking guy, most of my issues came from “lack of confidence”.

But MANNNNNNN….

My stomach was huge; t-shirts were worn at swimming pools. “Swimming Pools” Do you know how embarrassing that was? The Struggle was real, and the battle was just beginning.

Two Decades of living “Fat”

As I got older I managed to figure out how to make this “Big Boy”thing work for me. I had confidence on the outside but not much inside. Flaws drove me crazy, especially these rolls and saggy “man boobs”. I used money and a rough lifestyle as my outlet. If I had money then the women would come, and my lifestyle kept the jokes away. It all worked well until my lifestyle began to conflict with the law. Now trying to “Fit in” started to turn into setting myself up for failure. The whole process was frustrating; it was hard not to be around the “In Crowd”. The reason was that everyone was trying to be “IN” so you never knew where you placed.

Shit gets real…….

I was twenty-four when I was shot. Now I was fat, battling personal issues and “Fucking Paralyzed”. Come on! Can a guy get a break? The first year passed and I got fatter. The crazy this is when I was in the hospital, I lost weight. I think the doctor told me I was like 175lbs.

Mentally, I was so FUCKED that I felt the need to get back to 230 so I could feel comfortable. The need to feel comfortable put me in a deeper “Depression”. I definitely didn’t fit in now. I was fat and in a wheelchair. What were the odds… My friends and family started disappearing and my mind was going crazy. I blamed everyone else for the defeat I felt. I wanted people to push me but I didn’t want to be pushed. Yeah, confusing right?

It took my “Fat ASS”

It took my “Fat ASS” to go back to work all depressed and shit feeling defeated to obtain a damn Pressure Ulcer. “WTF” Shit just kept getting real and the wound started as a small scab and two years later it grew to the size of my fist. Imagine a hole that big directly where your tailbone is. Yeah, just the thought of it is frustrating. How The Fuck Do I Get Out Of This Shit…. Doctors always told me shit by the book. “The Shit didn’t work”. A nutritionist would make meal plans full of bland ass foods and drinks like Ensure, and Juven. I’m 26 or 27 and I have officially hit 50 mentally. Like damn, life can’t be this FUCKED UP. I felt alone and that I had so many issues. I swear, I wanted my life to end.

After years of coming to terms with what had happened, I was still trying to be a great Father. I was placed on bed rest for two years while raising my little girl who would often be in the next room watching and listening to everything that was going on with daddy. I could not allow her to think that this is how you deal with life. I knew if I couldn’t do it for me I had to do it for her. I was about to turn 28 and finally had a reason to make a change. I didn’t need anyone to help me through it and that was the secret I struggled so many years to find. My struggle made me do my own research on how to get better.

It just didn’t work for me

It wasn’t that the information given to me was wrong, it just didn’t work for me. So, I went to school learned about nutrition from the ground up. The things I learned allowed me to make a change in my life. Eight months passed and 80lbs gone! The only change I made was wanting to make a change. I had to get out of my comfort zone. Going to school to learn about nutrition-I never saw that coming. When you face adversity you can either adapt to it or let it defeat you. My life changed and I had more to live for someone else to live for. Losing the weight gave me the confidence to get involved with fitness.

Now I’m an award-winning adaptive athlete and motivational speaker, on a mission and won’t let anything stop me. Feeling defeated with nowhere to go eventually gave me the strength I needed to stay motivated. My whole life I struggled and things didn’t get better, they got worse. It was time I was reborn

Side Note

Over time, it hit me that I was never happy with my life when I was “Overweight”. The pressure of wanting to fit in and be accepted conquered my mindset. The community “City” I lived in was based on competition, so every day the need to impress people was always there. Growing up was hard and peer pressure led to bad decisions but I chose the direction of a “Bad Guy” so I wouldn’t look like the “Sad Guy”. Life never really got better and being shot made it worse. It was in that moment I realized there was more to life more than just me and that’s when the change process began. Not only did I want to be strong for my daughter, I wanted to help others in similar situations. My problems were someone else’s problem before me and will be someone’s else’s problem once I’m gone. So while I’m here, I’d rather help others overcome the same feeling of defeat that plagued me for so long.

Reason: Everyone will not be as strong as I was

“ Being overweight is a form of depression and it’s serious. Most wrong choices are made because of self-hate/defeat. You don’t need anyone to change your life all you need is you. Be happy by making yourself happy. The struggle is already here you are already seeing it. Change your mindset and believe in yourself and you will conquer the self-defeat you feel.”

— WES HAMILTON